Very intimate. Compromise has been my close friend for the longest time, but I've come to believe that it's the only way life can be as beautiful as we'd all like it to be. How can we live with each other without it? Everybody gets some part of what they need. Everybody wins.

I had a close freind who loved the word pivotol. She loved it so much that I began to hate it, always searching for any other word to describe, life-changing... But. now, here I am, with the perfect reason to use it...

Pivitol. Thats how these past five, or so, years have been for me. I lost a long term relationship, one in which we'd both left each other, in small and many ways; always coming back, in passionate redux, for a couple of years. But I finally put that in the true past, and found first, a new and more thrilling short-term love. It broke my heart wide open; and then I found a real love that I'm still experiencing...
I finished Graduate school and instead of continuing as a full-time actor, part-time everything else, became a full-time social worker, part-time actor...well, OK, a most-time social worker, sometime actor; who am I kidding? But,  I love what I'm doing now, and I'm finding prosperity and opportunity, where before, I was creating more anxiety and desperation.
I finally had total hip replacement,that I'd needed for the past eight years since a congenital injury had long been taking it's toll, and after a painful, challenging experience and recovery am more active than I have been in years.  I had terrible health insurance, but a group of devoted friends developed a Fund for me, called The Shelle Fund and produced a play, which earned almost $10,000 toward my surgery and recovery. It was amazing, this incredible caring and collaboration, for my care.Over the last five years, I've found humility, and self-confidence,( its interesting we often need both, at the same time) and  evidence if my faith. I found the strength to re-invent myself into someone I want to be.
It would never have happened without my friends, and God, shining through each one of them.
It never would've happened without me, finally saying, enough 'settling'; you have one life to be this person you are: stop wasting time...

The man I love. For awhile, it's been becoming more and more clear he is stuck in his life. He has issues with control and anger, though he is the most loving, caring person, who feels things, in our lives, and in the world, deeply. The more I love him, the more perplexed I've become. I want to understand the ways he gets in his own way, and am careful to avoid enabling him, by not letting him get away with it...by being compassionate, and listening....
But, at times it is difficult, more often than not. I feel my hopes and dreams drifting farther from me.
Nobody can make a man see what he could lose...the thing is, if he loses, so do I.nobody wins.
Marrianne Williamson says that the minute we know we're in love, the first thing we should is pray.

So I will.

I love him so much, I just want him to soar. And, of course, I want to soar with him. I wish I could have compassion for the things he fears, the things that have happened to him that he allows to hold him back.

I was in love. I had realized it completely in July, but by this time last year, I knew I was deeply in IT.
I still am...but I am disappointed things have not moved forward, as I'd hoped they would. I am still with the same person, and things are progressing slower than I would wish...and  sometimes I wonder:...should I just throw away something that gives me so much, but is not appearing to be entirely what I want, or learn patience from what has been sent to me? Believe me, you pragmatic souls out there, I have asked myself, more than 100 times since last year: do I want to sign on for another 'work in progress'? It is harder than you think, when you're getting 90 per cent of what you wrote-about, painted-about, prayed-about, to turn cold against, the love thats given to you and just 'move on'. This is the person that I had dreamed of, but Life has intervened, and I have been asked to "be patient", (once again, by the way) while this person "gets it together".Ahhh yes, familiar place; I recognize you. I will have to speak up for what I want. Again.

I have to say that I agree with you, josh. The part about being happy within, not expecting anyone to MAKE us happy is something I truly believe. Its interesting how many discussions I've had where people insist that others CAN make them happy, adding that the collaboration all depends on each DO-ing specific things. While its inticing, I don't think it's healthy or even feasible to think of personal happiness in those terms.
Your blog has some lofty aspirations, asking that we are all so responsible for our feelings and ourselves. You say that you could be happy in this fertile ground. Its lovely to think of everyone being so evolved...

Wherever I can feel my heartspace. When I can feel the earth under my feet, the coolness of a breeze and the sounds of  nature...and I can breathe deeply enough to be aware of my heart, I am happiest.

At first I thought I would not respond to this question, since I feel my body is not worried about much these days. But then I realized, my body is finally free of a long winter of illness and is feeling "itself" again. And that is a wonderful blessing...I feel so grateful to have gotten through the dark, infirm time I was experiencing.. having just gotten through my first year working in health  care, for awhle, it seemed like I picked up every virus, germ, bacteria; whatever, and made it my own. So now I am happy to say my body is not worried about anything much, just aware of its wonderful capability of healing...When it does start worrying again, I think I will try to bring it back here. When I am afraid, I try to just sit with it, that fear or pain, or fear of pain, and listen  to it. Sometimes that is enough to disarm it. Now that I think about it, maybe I'm most worried about not letting the fear in, since now, I'm faced with it every day. I think I'm most worried about...worrying about things...and that has me wanting to accept my body not worrying...at least for awhile...!

wonder, loss, pain, hope, change, Light...

Divine energy that is everywhere, in everyone amd everything, and the ability to see it. To keep learning and trying and being in God-school! Thank you, everyone!

Release heals all wounds...Allowing the anger, pain, fear and everything to rise up in you, and feeling every painful moment of it, finally allows the hurt to lessen. It happens so quietly you don't even know; and then you do...

Release. Release. Release. And when you think you can't release, act "as if". I did, again. And learned this lesson, again, today and so wanted to share it.

Release and believe...Yes!